Finally, both my computer and my self have the right combination going! Sometimes when I think I want to write a post the computer isn't giving up it's secrets on how I am supposed to get to where I can write. As in I have no idea where the button or link is to "create a post". Today the blog/post/computer universe is in alignment!
I have been doing a lot of thinking about where I am in this "helping Dad out" business. Some days I come home optimistic and hopeful, other days not so much. He is well, getting around still, but I see changes. Sometimes, I pull up in the driveway, tired from grueling work and no appreciation, I walk in the house dreading the few minor things I need to do to make him happy and I am greeted by three happy little dogs and my Dad's daily greeting of "There she is! Tough day at work?" and "Oh, the dogs are so happy to see their Momma." I am revived. Other days I walk in and I'm pulled down even further by the odor of the house. I won't go into detail there, it's TMI. I have to drag myself through the next few hours, only to resent that I have little (very little) time to myself, before I go to bed to get up and start ALL over the next day.
Daily, Dad apologizes for not getting up out of his chair and doing something. I tell him, well, that is your decision to do with your day as you please. You worked hard for this time. That may not be the answer I should give, but it is the only thing I can think of to say. Maybe I should say nothing?
I don't know how much time to spend with him. I need to unwind and be alone for some amount of time. I need to decompress, not talk to or be talked to. But I feel bad because Dad has been alone all day and probably just wants some company. I also have things to settle back at my house still. I want to paint the bedroom I vacated so my friend can move in. I want to just sit somewhere and sip coffee or tea for as long as I can stand it, I need to fix the sump pump plumbing at my other house, I need to find room in this house for my sewing and weaving stuff. I need to get to my doctor, and start taking my meds again, because I seemed to have slipped back into that age old women's habit of caring for others and not myself. I've gained weight because at this time it is easier to stuff my feelings with food than it is to face and work my feelings out.
Tomorrow I do have a dentist appointment. First one in a few years. I've been thinking, I want to smile again. I am hesitant to, because I am missing some teeth and I don't like how I look. Okay. To the dentist it is. I realize this won't be an over night fix, but I will feel better about myself. Next week will be a doctor appointment and med re issuance. Then I get new glasses the week after that. Maybe sometime in the near future when I can see and smile again I will get my quilting mojo back at the same time I have a space and the tools to do that!
Mind you, I am not complaining, just writing what is going through the head!
Gratuitous picture: My sisters and I at my Dad's 90th birthday party in October.
