Here, Not Here

I have been absent. This is a hard post for me and it has taken me a while to write this.

The Tuesday after my daughter left for home, I was putting things back into place (you all know how it is when you have company) and just trying to stay as busy as possible so the quiet of the house wouldn't get to me. I heard a funny noise in the dog yard and looked out the window and thought it was just my German Shepherd being goofy. Then I saw my other daughter's dog look funny and then go running out there. I thought I had better investigate.

I got out there just in time to see my Shepherd hovering over my 13 + year old Jack Russell and biting at her. So I yelled at her I can't repeat the words I yelled. She immediately dropped her and I ran over. My little Tootsie was limp, I thought she was dead. I picked her up and ran in the house with her, kicking at the shepherd as I went by her.

I called my daughter and told her to get over here, I need help. She came and in the meantime Tootsie kind of came around. When my daughter got here, she found a vet close by and we went down there. Since she was in shock and the doctor didn't want to move her too much, because of where her obvious wounds were, she gave her pain meds and a muscle relaxer to make her comfortable through the night. I got NO sleep. I set Tootsie up in a box with soft stuff to cradle her so she wouldn't move too much, but she would yip on and off all night.

We took her back in the morning and left her so the vet could check her over more thoroughly. When she called me later that morning, the news was not great. Basically she could fix everything, but Toots had a chipped vertebrae and it was dislocated, plus some muscle damage and the wounds. The doctor said she would always have problems with her neck and I was thinking as old as Tootsie is and still being the jumpy active little goof ball she is, I could not put her through all the pain of surgery knowing that it all would not get her back to what she was before. I told the vet that we would not be making her suffer.

I called the kids, told them what was going on and my youngest told me to wait until she got over here from Seattle. (Two and a half hours away) She had been with this dog half of her life and needed to say goodbye.

In the meantime, the shepherd has been locked up in her kennel with only the bare necessities. I couldn't even look at her. She has had this penchant for biting other dogs and had sent my daughter's dog to the vet last year. This was her third strike, so Monday, I had the vet euthanize her. I couldn't pass her on to someone else with a clear conscience, nor could I ever take another chance with the other small dogs on my farm, or the neighbors who walk their dogs across the street. She had to go.

So I have lost two of my dogs within a week and I am trying to adjust to life without. It's hard, it's sad. it's maddening. Luckily, I have my Max, who is an absolute clown and Bella who is just a sweet little shy girl. They have been hanging pretty close to me and being a really great support system. Plus, I get calls for all my family  asking how I am doing, letting me know they are here for me and care (a lot!)

I will be back, as soon as I can get myself up to quilting some more. I think that would be good therapy for me.