Today is the second Monday I have been in my "new" home, the house I grew up in and am now trading places in.
It used to be that my dad was the care giver. Now I am.
I am sad. For him. He has always been the strong go for it guy. He could build anything move anything make anything happen. Now he apologizes to me constantly about inconveniencing me. Um...No he's not!
I have changed my position in life. I have changed my position on earth. I have changed what I do on a daily basis. But I am not inconvenienced.
Tonight was the hardest night yet. His knees(s) don't want to be knees anymore. They want to be mush. I'm sure in his 90 years, he has given his knees a run for their money. Stuff like knees just don't last forever. Unfortunately. He was headed for bed and they decided that enough was enough and gave out. He called me in for help. Apologized several times for "inconveniencing" me and we worked on the new routine of getting to bed without the help of said knees.
Of course, since this is new to both of us and I have no medical training it was trial and error. With an emphasis on the error. We made it, he told me more than once that he wanted to give up and I told him more than once that he couldn't because we had to go shopping tomorrow and he was buying.
I now know that I really need to turn down the covers before we start an adventure like this. I also know that I need to find someplace that has classes on caring for aging parents. I can't just do this blindly. It's his life and I want it to be the best it can be without the frustration and lack of confidence in a care giver. I want him to feel good about being here every day that he can be here.
I'm not giving up Dad. You can't either.