Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Other Shoe Drops...

I have been going along my merry little way. Getting more positive day by day. Things have been going fairly well, and Spring is around the corner.
Yea...that's what she said.
My YD has been dropping little tid bits of information about her medical problems, choosing her words carefully so as not to upset my applecart. But I have Google. Damn you Google!
About two years ago, give or take four or five months, YD found out she had cervical cancer. Thanks HPV, yea, thanks a lot! But it was taken care of. The doc told her she had to have pap smears every six months.
She just had another one about a month ago, and mentioned that they were concerned about some swelling in her fallopian tube. So they sent her to someone else, who sent her to someone else and on and on. She finally is getting the help she needs.
I know I am slow. I know she can tell me things in a way that I don't fully grasp the full extent of what she is telling me. She. Does. Not. Want. To. Freak. Me. Out.
I am freaked out.
They gave her Chemo last week. I didn't get that that is what she was telling me, cause she just said shots to get the tissue to stop growing. But I have Google. And I found out. Well, after a couple of days of her talking about these shot and how she was feeling nauseated, and couldn't eat.
My daughter, my youngest is taking this all on, by herself. Because she doesn't want to freak me out!
Tomorrow we go to the doc for lab work and "maybe" more shots. I am having a talk with her about how I have found her out, and how I am more freaked out about her going through this alone. She can't do that to me.
Her cervical cancer has moved up and on. I don't know the full extent of the cancer. It scares the shit out of me.
What really scares me is a comment she made about dropping a girlfriend the other day. What she said other words...if this cervical cancer is going to do me in and I only had six months left to live, I do not want to spend that six months with a "friend" who does nothing but complain about how bad her life is. (She told the "friend" that) She said, "Mom, it was just one of those thoughts that takes on it's own life, it wasn't coming from anywhere and it's not going anywhere."
What would you think?????


kim-d said...

Oh my gosh, Claudia! I can't even respond too clearly right now; this is one of those things I'm going to have to think about and get back to you. The one thing I can tell you right now, though, is this--I would bet money that part of the reason she didn't tell you is because then it makes it real to her. I don't know for sure, but I'd also be willing to bet that she is MAJORLY.FREAKING.THE.HELL.OUT herself, even if she doesn't seem like she is. Once again, for not having anything to say, I have sure said a lot. Now I need to go and process. I'll be back tomorrow. In the meantime...


Lisa said...

Oh goodness...what a burden for eitehr of you to have right now. I am sure she is very scared and telling you and seeing you upset will make her more afraid as well. But she needs to be with you and around you. Not upset, not moppy, but a strong, upbeat, loveable you! Laugh, have fun, and just be there for her. But also respect her private time, her time to reflect, HER time. You will both get through this, I feel it in my bones....hugs to you and YD!

Stacie said...

oh honey, I am so sorry...

HUGS for you and your daughter.

Debbie said...

What in the world? Holy crap Claudia! My first thought is to get to the Doctor and hear from them what the hell is going on. But I believe that may be in your next post.

Your poor baby!!! And I can't even imagine how your doing..OMG

I had this, well Stage 4, back when I was 23. The removed part of my cervix. I went through years of the damn repeat paps and freezes and stuff. After getting out of the military, I haven't had an abnormal pap since. Heading to today's post. I am reaching coast to coast to give you a huge HUG HUG HUG!!!

Dani - tkdchick said...

Awwww Claudia how awful for you and your daughter!!!! That is so tough for her and for you. I understand the part about not wanting to worry your Mom. But when I foudn out I had to go for a biopsy for the lump in my breast I was on the phone to my Mum crying. It was hard to tell her without breaking into tears (gosh this has me tearing up now). I know you'll be there for yoru daughter and that I hope she'll let you take care of her. Because we all need our Mom's in times like these!