The Six Hour Vacation

I absolutely cannot believe the difference six little ol' hours will make. Of course it all depends on what you fill that six hours with. One of my bestest friends in the world had to make a trip out here from Nebraska to bring her daughter's car to her. Her son in law is stationed in Monterey for two years. Well, ya know if you drive 1500 miles to get somewhere, another 70 makes no difference. So My friend and her husband called me and said they were going to be up my way to "have lunch". Can we join them? Well, since I had a little money left from what my dad gave me for Christmas, I decided that we could do that. My oldest daughter, her boyfriend and I met them in San Francisco and did the tourist thing with them. We walked around mainly, but we did have honest to goodness crab sandwiches, and went to Ghirardelli Square (which was closed, dammit) and then off to the Red & White Fleets tour of Alcatraz. That is a one hour boat ride to under the Golden Gate bridge and then around Alcatraz and back. We ended our day with Dreyer's Ice Cream cones and headed home. I feel so good now. I am exhausted,but so happy. I haven't seen this girlfriend in seven or so years.

We also encountered "The Bush Man". No, he is not a guy on the street singing the praises of our president. He has random cuttings from bushes that he hides behind and jumps out and scares tourists. This guy is a kick! I talked him into a couple of pictures with my daughter.

And off she went....

Binks and that mare. Oh my gosh! They became one in an instant. Luckily, we were inside other fences that Binks couldn't undo from the top of the horse, so I just let her go, and kept an eye out for what was going on. They walked around the ranch for about a half an hour and then mosied on back. Both wanted a snack. I just couldn't believe that what had taken me almost thirty years to accomplish, my three year old had figured out in a few weeks, just being around that horse. They were definitely a pair, and inseparable for the next three years. What I didn't know, was that this was to set the stage for my youngest daughter's future. At the end of those three years, I lost my marriage, and was close to the bone with money and food and paying bills so I had to find a new home for Fad. It was heartbreaking. The kids tried to understand, but you know and I know that they really didn't get it.
Every waking moment for years after that, Binks spent figuring out how to get a horse, work around horses, drawing horses, learning every last little minute detail about horses. My other two daughters could either take them or leave them. They liked Barbies and make up, swimming and birthday parties. Binks liked horses. I know what she felt. They give a person the feeling of power and love and freedom.
Her dad made arrangements for her to work on a ranch down the road from us. He got her there and home on the weekends, so she had a chance to hone her skills. She had a knack with the horses. While she was at the ranch they would let her pick which ever one she wanted to work with. She always picked the crazy ones. They soon found that she could calm almost any horse, so they started having her calm the crazy ones they bought, so they could rent them to the public. She had found her niche.
But we moved, and then her dad moved, so there was a time when she didn't have a horse under her again. She found a job with a woman who did pony parties for special occasions. That woman soon found what skills Binks had and worked her to the bone. Binks made some good money with her though, she was almost running the entire business towards the end.


I got a phone call from Binks yesterday at work. She sounded very disconnected. All she wanted to know is if she got any money for Christmas. How does one react to that? I just told her no one got anything for Christmas. I just wanted to scream at her, "What the hell did I do wrong???" But I didn't, I just told her there was an important letter for her at the house, where did she want me to send it. She said she'd pick it up. But I don't know when. Damn, this is really starting to wear on me.

Binks

That's her nickname. She is the last of four children. She came to me sick, on August 1, 1987. She had holes in her heart. I found out she had holes when she was six weeks old. I had spent one night in a panic, because every time she took a bottle, she would choke and vomit it up. I slept with her on my chest so I could hear her breathing, or choking. I took her to Kaiser the next morning, they checked her out, and told me to bring her back Wednesday when the heart specialist was there, saying she has a big heart murmur. I panicked again! You mean I have to try to keep this baby alive for four days by myself?!? Yep, That's what they meant.

We went back, the heart specialist said, "We have to admit her immediately, she is not in good shape." Well, in my rough way, I blurted out, "No sh*t Shamus." They admitted her, then stabilized her. Kept her from me for four days. Which is where God stepped in, in his mysterious way and let the rest of the family come down with a horrible flu. I was so grateful that she wasn't around in her weakened state to catch it from the rest of us. (I can always find that silver lining)
For two years, she was on medications for her heart. They never saw fit to do surgery, so I figured that she'd be fine. The last thing any heart type doctor said to me back then was, that the holes had healed and she has one small hole where the larger of the two had been. She'd be fine enough to live a normal life.
She certainly was a charmer. Her dad is an alcoholic. (recovering now) Back then he was in and out of AA meetings and made lots of friends that would come by the house to chat or have coffee, anything to not drink. Soon, some were coming by just to hold Binks. I thought it was strange. They would come in and ask immediately where she was. I'd call her from her bedroom, and she would run to them and laugh and jump up in their laps. It was these guys who did well in the AA rooms. I was told many times by them that they just felt a calm when she was sitting with them, pulling their beards or mustaches. She was a big help to them when they felt an urge to fall off their wagons. It made me proud.
When she was three, my grandmother passed away and left my mother's portion of her will to my sisters and I. I paid all my bills off and went in search of a horse for my girls and I to play with. I didn't want the girls to sit in front of the TV and wanted them to understand responsibility and play really hard outside. I found an eighteen year old mare, who was as gentle as a kitten and bought her. We set out every day to clean her and brush her. Take care of her stall and paddock. All of us would do something to make that mare comfortable, and then we would all ride her for a while. Binks took to this life like a fish to a pond. She loved it and seemed to have a knack for all things horsey. Occasionally, she and I would go to the horse when her sisters were in school. One day in particular, I was raking out the stall and I heard her talking to Fad (the mare). So I stopped what I was doing and watched her from behind the stall door. She would push the horse's rump toward the fence and then go to her front legs and push again. Then back to her rump. Soon, she had the mare right up against the fence, leaning on it. Then, she went under the mare's belly and climbed up the fence. She scooted over by the gate and unlooped the rope that held the gate closed. I was starting to get a little nervous, but I wanted to see what she would do, and more so what the mare would do. Then she scooted back to the mare's mid section and pulled herself up. Now mind you, there's only a halter on this mare. No bridle, no reins, no lead rope. Just a halter. She told the mare to back up, and she did! The gate swung open and out they went. I just stood there with my mouth open in amazement.
More tomorrow. I'm pooped.

Tomorrow may be the day

I may start talking about my youngest daughter. People at work have seen her around town. I don't live in the same town I work in, but we are all from there. So I know she is alive, I know she hates me right now, and I don't even really know why. But I need to get this out of my system. I may start from her beginnings, she has a great history, I just hope her future is as exciting! I'm gonna try, it's going to be painful, but if I spill my guts, maybe I will feel just a tad better about the new year coming up and all that I have to accomplish. Until tomorrow, sweet dreams

New Year's Eve

So my middle daughter in all her wisdom makes this great suggestion. "Hey Mom, how would you like to spend a nice quiet New Year's Eve in a hotel room? All nice and relaxing and all. You could watch movies and eat all kinds of food...." Me: "No Becca, you may not have a party here New Year's Eve." Her: "Fine then I'm having a party in my room." Eh...NOT!
Now they have decided that instead of renting a room for me, they could rent one for themselves. What a genius! I would have suggested that to her, but it would have been my idea, and therefore no good.
Every single time I leave for more than a day, that girl has a party. She wants to be liked and in order to be liked these days, I guess you have to put on a raging party. I wouldn't mind so much, but even though she is 21 and MOST of her friends are, she has no clue as to how to weed out the idiots that invariably show up and screw everything up for everyone else. (Which could include me, and I ain't going for it.)
So, I get to have a nice peaceful evening, eat lots of good food and watch movies, without spending a dime. Well, except for the food. I may ring in the new year in a bubble bath. Awww, that would be nice, and mounds of chocolate, and all kinds of good eats.
So what are your plans to ring in the new year?

Another Day Closer

I finally made it to work today. It was exhausting. I forget I am as old as I am, especially at times like these. When I was twenty, I would have been out partying even though I knew I was sick. I always figured drinking would cure all ills. All it did was make me forget I was sick! Now, this thing had me down for the count, and I am not bouncing back like I used to. I asked my boss if I could work tomorrow. It's usually a day off for me, but I need to make up the time. She says she has no problem with that and she is going to be short some people. Teenagers mostly, so what the heck! It's a short day anyway, I go in at 9 get out at 2. Besides, I still have to pick up the garage door opener for my dad's girlfriend to give him for Christmas. I was supposed to order that weeks ago. Goes to show you what's been on my mind! Nothing, no brains cells, no thoughts, nothing, not even water on the brain!
I picked out some color samples from work for the room. I got turquoisey, agua, green blue colors. I think I am going to take some before pictures. Of course that may disgust some of you at the shape of the room now. Of course it is 100% better than it was just after my daughter left. But I'd like some shots for myself so I can see my progress too. I am going with some fairly tropical colors. I thought that would be cheery. It is a room that I plan on spending a lot of time in, so I want a vacationy feel.
Every time I feel I have an extra $25 I'm going to buy myself a Best Buy gift card. When I have enough, I am going to buy myself a nice stereo system for that room too. It's the only way I will be able to save up for something like that. If it's on a card, I can't spend it on something practical like say, food, or something obnoxious like that!
Well, got to go get ready for bed! Night all!

Sunshine in My Backyard...

Makes me happy. It is sunny here today. I am sorry to all of you who have clouds, rain, snow, freezey weather going on. And I am sorry to those of you who have had sunshine, but want/need rain. We really want/need more. I am not feeling good, and the warmth that the sun sends through my big window in the back of the front room feels so good. I wish I were a kitty so I could curl up comfortably on the floor in the sun and soak it in! It is still cold outside, just sunny and warm inside.

We did get the infamous truck fixed this morning. I had picked up and yet another alternator at the parts place and it fit. I was going to put it on last night, so I could relax today at work, but it was hard for one person to finagle and it was cold, I was tired, etc., etc. so I gave it up. I was going to go to work this morning, but the crud had other plans for me and I ended up calling in sick again. My daughter asked if I could give her a ride to work after she and her boyfriend went surfing at 10. I said well, why don't you get your boyfriend over here and we'll finish the alternator install and you can drive yourself. She offered that we maybe could just do it ourselves. So we did! I am happy, she is happier, and away she went. Surfing, then off to work. YAY! I am free again.

I am still hacking away at this crud, but I am restless when I stay home so many days. I figured I would do some lightweight work. I went in and put all the boxes of my youngest daughter's stuff that I had packed away for her, in the closet. I then proceeded to take all the billions of pictures off the walls that she taped up there so carefully. (With about a hundred miles of tape) I put those in a box for safe keeping. I labeled everything I packed, and made it all safe. God forbid that something would happen after I touch her stuff. One more thing for her to place blame on me. I looked around at the room to see what I can do to it to make it mine. It is going to be my new sewing room again. I had originally planned on doing that before she came home the last time, about a year ago. My sewing room went on hold. I have to put new glass in a window that she broke and fix the crank on the window. Then, I will scrape all the wax off the window sill that melted there, because somebody doesn't know about not putting candles in the window where the sun shines in. Ahem...

When I am feeling better I will take down the bookshelves that I built in the dining room and rebuild them to fit in that room. Before I do that, I will need to paint. Which means I have to get on a ladder and pull down all the stars that the girls put on the ceiling years ago. That should prove to be fun. I love ladders! (NOT) Oh man, this is making a can of worms open up here. I am thinking about all the befores I have to do before...geez! I guess I had better go and brain storm a list of things to do in the room. Ya know? And everyone always wonders why I never get everything done.

Thanks for stopping by. And if I haven't told you all, already, Merry, merry Christmas and Happy New Year. But I'll see you before it all takes place I am sure. I'll be back!

Binks

That's her nickname. She is the last of four children. She came to me sick, on August 1, 1987. She had holes in her heart. I found out she had holes when she was six weeks old. I had spent one night in a panic, because every time she took a bottle, she would choke and vomit it up. I slept with her on my chest so I could hear her breathing, or choking. I took her to Kaiser the next morning, they checked her out, and told me to bring her back Wednesday when the heart specialist was there, saying she has a big heart murmur. I panicked again! You mean I have to try to keep this baby alive for four days by myself?!? Yep, That's what they meant.
We went back, the heart specialist said, "We have to admit her immediately, she is not in good shape." Well, in my rough way, I blurted out, "No sh*t Shamus." They admitted her, then stabilized her. Kept her from me for four days. Which is where God stepped in, in his mysterious way and let the rest of the family come down with a horrible flu. I was so grateful that she wasn't around in her weakened state to catch it from the rest of us. (I can always find that silver lining)
For two years, she was on medications for her heart. They never saw fit to do surgery, so I figured that she'd be fine. The last thing any heart type doctor said to me back then was, that the holes had healed and she has one small hole where the larger of the two had been. She'd be fine enough to live a normal life.
She certainly was a charmer. Her dad is an alcoholic. (recovering now) Back then he was in and out of AA meetings and made lots of friends that would come by the house to chat or have coffee, anything to not drink. Soon, some were coming by just to hold Binks. I thought it was strange. They would come in and ask immediately where she was. I'd call her from her bedroom, and she would run to them and laugh and jump up in their laps. It was these guys who did well in the AA rooms. I was told many times by them that they just felt a calm when she was sitting with them, pulling their beards or mustaches. She was a big help to them when they felt an urge to fall off their wagons. It made me proud.
When she was three, my grandmother passed away and left my mother's portion of her will to my sisters and I. I paid all my bills off and went in search of a horse for my girls and I to play with. I didn't want the girls to sit in front of the TV and wanted them to understand responsibility and play really hard outside. I found an eighteen year old mare, who was as gentle as a kitten and bought her. We set out every day to clean her and brush her. Take care of her stall and paddock. All of us would do something to make that mare comfortable, and then we would all ride her for a while. Binks took to this life like a fish to a pond. She loved it and seemed to have a knack for all things horsey. Occasionally, she and I would go to the horse when her sisters were in school. One day in particular, I was raking out the stall and I heard her talking to Fad (the mare). So I stopped what I was doing and watched her from behind the stall door. She would push the horse's rump toward the fence and then go to her front legs and push again. Then back to her rump. Soon, she had the mare right up against the fence, leaning on it. Then, she went under the mare's belly and climbed up the fence. She scooted over by the gate and unlooped the rope that held the gate closed. I was starting to get a little nervous, but I wanted to see what she would do, and more so what the mare would do. Then she scooted back to the mare's mid section and pulled herself up. Now mind you, there's only a halter on this mare. No bridle, no reins, no lead rope. Just a halter. She told the mare to back up, and she did! The gate swung open and out they went. I just stood there with my mouth open in amazement.
More tomorrow. I'm pooped.

The Beat Goes On...

Remember that song? Sonny and Cher. Anyway, that's random, not what I came on for.

My oldest daughter came home yesterday with the drive belt to her truck in her hand and said, "Look what happened Mom!" Geez! I'm very sorry to say that I never taught my oldest about anything mechanical. She heard a noise in her engine, the day before yesterday and then decided yesterday that she would maybe need oil in it. Two minutes before the belt blew off. Umm, yeah, oil. She had called me from her cell phone and asked me if we had oil. Well, not being the mechanical daughter, I'm thinking cooking oil. So, I went and looked in the cupboard and sure enough, we had oil. I told her we have a little olive oil left, but if she was doing something big, she might want to pick up some more. She just laughed at me. (What are mothers for anyway?) Then explained which oil she really wanted. Two, three minutes later, is when she walked in with the belt. So, I had her call the local parts people, and they had the belt we needed. We ran up and got one. Came home and between the daughter, her boyfriend and I managed to change that sucker out. BUT, we couldn't get the tensioner to work right. So, I went to work this morning, did what absolutely had to be done and then went to buy a new tensioner for it. That was not an easy thing to get put on with the belt in the right place. So, the boyfriend calls his dad, and the dad comes over, can't make it work, so he calls another friend who KNOWS what he's doing and we get the belt back on. YAY!!!! We started that baby up and OMG! what a racket it made. Something else isn't right. We studied it for a while (a long while). Turns out that the bearing had gone out in her alternator, making the belt do some funny stuff and in turn snapping, and breaking the tensioner. (The tensioner is a fragile part), So maybe tomorrow, I will pick up an alternator, and get her back on the road. I took her to work tonight, and will pick her up, but she has school in the morning for finals. I told her she'd have to get on the phone and make some arrangements or take the bus, because I can't afford another day off work!

I said the beat goes on, because, EVERY Christmas one of our cars breaks down. EVERY Christmas. So, we're on schedule people! It is the Holiday Season, and I have not been left out, nope not at all. It's all good. We have the money to fix it. Thanks to being gifted money from my dad. My daughter feels bad about that, but I said what the hay! You need your car, we have the money...It's all good! My resolution for next year is going to be...I am joining a Christmas Club at my bank, so when a car breaks down we have something other than Christmas gift money to fix it. I had plans for the money. The plan will still go into effect, it will just take longer. Who cares? I have way more time than money.

A little time...

As it gets closer to Christmas, I wonder how things will play out with my daughter. I have had so much wonderful support from you all. It sure makes things better. My sister came by my work yesterday with a birthday gift for that her. (Her birthday was back in August) I had to tell her that she had left. She told me to keep it for her, and she would call her and let her know it was here. So maybe I'll see her in the next few days. (My sister always gives a little token gift and money) That little dangling carrot may get her here and I can talk to her. Maybe, just maybe, because she is my daughter and as stubborn as me.

I visited my dad Friday and secretly checked out his garage door opener. His girlfriend wants me to order one for him for Christmas, cause his is broken. At 85 y/o, the door is a little hard for him to put up. (and here it is Sunday, I have not checked out the new garage door opener.)
I heard news about my daughter from one of my younger co-workers. My daughter is used to hanging out with the ranch hands in town, well, because she has always worked with them. They all go to each others' families Quintineras. (It's a party for the kids when they turn 15) My co-worker told me she had seen my daughter at a Quintinera the other night. But then she kinda scrunched her nose and said, "I thought you said she was smart!" I had said that, because I thought she was. "Yeeaahh, I did say that, why?" Then she tells me, "Well, she's hanging out with all the gansters!" Geeerrrate! Little Sh*t! I had a hard time saving her from a boyfriend last year who was a wanna be gangster, and she swore she wasn't going to get involved with all that again, and here she is. I wish I could say, that's it, I'm finished with her and all that, but I know better. She is beyond saving for the time being. I will probably get her back after something very hurtful (at best) has happened, and she needs help. The only thing that really bothers me, is that after all, she isn't very street smart, as far as when to keep her mouth shut, and I have a feeling that she will be opening it at the wrong time and wrong place. All, I can say at this point is please God, be with her, cause I can't be.

That "under the weather" I had last week finally kicked in. I knew that something was going to happen worse than what went on last week. Today, I felt my throat getting kinda itchy, scratchy. The headachy feeling is back, and I had NO patience whatsoever. I was good with the customers, but my co-workers kept sitting on my last nerve. I even had a little fun with most of the customers. I could not wait until 5PM when we closed the store. I'm not surprised by this at all. I mean my life has been one big stress after another lately, then the holidays. Oh Heavens, I sound like such a whiner right now. I am sorry. I had to get all this off my chest.

Plese say a prayer for my daughter.

Santa Baby

Merry Christmas! Santa's here! Santa's here!
My oldest daughter and I went to my company's Christmas dinner last night. We went early, and left early, cause I have to be at work today. Plus I have been under the weather the last few days.
I just thought this little Santa candy box thing was so cute. I had to share him. He moves around my front room as though he has legs. But I don't see any! I have a Christmas card and this little guy for decorations this year. None of us are home much, leaving little time to get the decorations out, let alone put them up. I am not really in the mood much anyway. So, I have him...and the card.
Well, I had better get on my way to work. I have really missed it this go 'round. 3.5 days off makes the heart grow fonder!
Hope you all are well, and warm! It's cold here, but nothing to complain about compared to the mid-section of these here states.
OH! Thank you all for your warm wishes and comments. You all are keeping my spirits up. I appreciate it!

It's been a week

I am feeling a little better today. The initial shock of the happenings from last week have become a tad smoother at the edges, so they don't feel so sharp. That daughter came by today to pick up her other truck. I guess it's getting a little expensive to drive the big ol' cool truck to work and back. There's one step in a good direction. I told her she would have to get her own insurance, as I was not going to be helping her with that anymore. She actually paid for the insurance, but the companies always want their money directly out of a checking account, so they were taking her payments out of my account. As in, I am really no longer responsible for her actions. I hope she learns something before the lessons get too harsh. Okay, enough, this is getting to me.
I have had so much support from all of you out there. I really, really appreciate your love and hugs.
I dove back into the mega quilt yesterday and today. I (luckily) remembered through my funkyfog, that it is easy to get out of those feelings by doing for someone else. So, I went in my room, cleared off my sewing machine table and got to sewing on the quilt of the century. When I got done with some of the squares, I started checking out books for a quilt pattern to make a baby quilt for one of my bosses, whose wife will be delivering their first child in February. I found some cute ones. I also got out some 18 ct aida to check out the possibility for making a gift for a friend. I will post pictures of the quilt(s) when I have enough progress to show. The gift, not until the friend has the gift, as I know she reads my blog.
So, thank you all again.
I was gonna send a picture of this cute little Santa thing my friend from work gave me, but the cord to my camera is somewhere in my bedroom. This is not a good thing, cause it may take me weeks or even months to find it...AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Can't Blog

I don't know what to say. No stitching, no quilting, no fun, no nothing. Life has changed in my household, and I don't like it. I will get used to the change, but I know it will take time. I want to talk about it, but it's a little personal, and it involves my youngest daughter. She has moved out, at my request.
I feel horrible about having to do that, but it WAS necessary. I just hope she can see the path she is on is not the right one.
I need a hug.