Thursday, June 26, 2008

It's that color for a reason

That is our setting sun. It's not foggy, it's hazy and smokey. And the sun is that color cause of the smoke. The main fires are about 150 miles north of here, but there are times when we can smell it. The fires have burned about 14,000 acres from what Ihear, but lately I don't believe everything I hear. That acreage is only from one fire. The one I was most concerned with, because it is at Lake County where my dad's cabin is, and has been for the last 52 years. Of course our property would still be there, but if the cabin went, there would go all the things my dad has gathered there over those 52 years, stuff my mom took up and left there, and my mom isn't with us anymore. It would be a shame to lose all that.
It looks like we won't though. Thank God. The fire is across the lake from my dad's cabin and burning towards the opposite direction. It has only burned one building, and I don't think it was a home or cabin. So we lucked out this time, but the summer has just begun. And I am praying that the hot shots who bought property just up from my dad's will be respectful and leave their gosh damned illegal fireworks at their own homes...maybe even stay there too, cause until they moved in, the place was peaceful. I have left my home here in Pacifica to have the peaceful existence at Clearlake for the 4th of July. There are only fireworks allowed that are done by professionals up there in three different towns and when those are done, that's it. Beautiful, awesome and then done. Here where I live, they allow the "safe and sane" ones, which are not safe and drive a person insane. It's like a war zone here for two to three weeks before and then afterwards. My poor big dog goes nuts.
Two of the years I went up there, the neighbors brought illegal stuff and shot them off up until about 3 AM. I have called the police and the fire department, but was told it wasn't a priority! My response was, "So, it will be a priority when the cabins go up in flames then?" Those fireworks would go willy nilly all over the place. It was just a God send that the place hadn't gone up before. I stayed home last year. I had to work and it actually ended up being more peaceful here. Not quiet, just less noise.
I have to work again this year, so I will be home, and I am hoping that with all the danger going on about wildfires, they will clamp down on any fireworks here. How about popping a bottle of champagne or sparkling cider in celebration of our nations birthday. I don't see any reason to burn the damn thing down cause it's a year older!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 a strange way...

There is something comforting in getting the dishes done, even if you have to make several trips from the kitchen to the bathroom. And back.
There's something comforting in packing those dishes, pot, pans, glasses and silverware up in a box. And putting them in the back of your truck. And locking it.
There's something comforting in knowing that there is nothing to cook with or eat off of, unless you have the key to that truck.
I will save some money by not having to buy food, that I will not get to eat. And that is comforting too.
YD's on again, off again boss at one of the ranches she works at occasionally, is an attorney. She and I had a conversation mostly about YD, but some about MD. She wanted to know why I hadn't kicked her out yet. I explained, she understood. I told her I have the paperwork to evict her legally, but I am really legalese challenged. She's going to help me fill out the paperwork, my girlfriend (the generous one) is giving me the money to file. I am on the home stretch...or homeless stretch, depending on which side of the fence you are on. Comforting.
I unclogged my kitchen sink/laundry tub this afternoon. YAY for me! I saved about $150 doing it myself. I bought a 25' snake for about $10 from work, took the pipes apart under the kitchen sink and stuck that snake in there and cleaned 'em right out. You can't believe what a glorious sound sinks make when the water finally runs out of them. Righteously comforting. (Cause when I do bring the dishes, etc. back in from the truck, I can wash them where they are supposed to be washed.)
Now all I have to do is get my dryer running again. That will require me to become a detective of sorts. And I will have to make several trips over the hill and possibly I will have to wait for parts to come in, but that is not as big a deal as the clogged sinks. I can always go to the laundry mat with wet clothes. Or on our better days (few and far between) I can hang stuff on the lines in the back yard.
The dog bed has made no progress. I seem to be pulled away from my sewing machine on my days off lately. Yesterday was a total waste of time, cause I had to be over the hill. (I should explain "over the hill"...)It doesn't mean that I am old, I am, but when I go over the hill, I am doing just that. In order to be off the coast, a person has to drive over a hill. No matter which way you go. And that's at least a 30 minute drive. And while there's a lot here on the coast for us to do, purchase, see, there's a lot we have to leave the coast to do or get.
Back to work tomorrow. It's my late day, order day, so it will fly by, cause I go, go, go from the minute I walk in the door.
I hope your day is good!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Dog Bed

This will soon be a dog bed cover. It would have been yesterday, but my couch was calling my name and I had to answer. It was a long answer...I slept for a few hours yesterday late afternoon and evening. I have the bed itself nearly finished. The batting is sewn inside of muslin, I just have to put another layer of muslin on, so that I can turn it inside out to make finished edges. Then on to the cover. Today is my late day at work, so nothing will be done on it til tomorrow. The fleece (pictured above) was only $3.99 a yard. I am so tempted to go back and get more and make more fleecey things, but I will most likely not do that. I have enough projects in the wings waiting for my attention. I just have so much admiration for those who can get major amounts of things done in a day. I guess if I hadn't bought these damned couches months ago, there would be nothing calling my name in the afternoons, and I would get stuff done. Oh hell, who am I kidding? The floor would be calling my name if I didn't have those couches.
MD and I managed to get the kitchen sparkling. I think she is finally getting it that she has to do something toward living here. It is still too little too late, but I am trying to get my nerves and stomach back to normal, so I am not rocking any boats. I'm just tired of the arguing and trying to expain how things should be. She not getting it and I am not getting through, so why waste the energy. For now, I am biding my time. She is of the belief that if she gets a job interview, that should be the only thing she concentrates on. She won't apply for other jobs until she does the interview and gets the results. Which I could tell her, (but don't) that she is not getting that job. I am trying to get her to put in many, I mean MANY applications, and accept MANY interviews, set them up and go to all of them. She just refuses to do this. I think one application and one interview every week and a half is just not enough. I suggested yesterday that she get ahold of CA, employment offices and apply for unemployment benefits. Then stay on that site and look at the job opportunities there. She couldn't find it! So today, I am setting it up for her. I know, I know...I shouldn't be doing for her, but I need her to move forward and out! One way or another.
I never did get to that second cupboard in the hall. Perhaps next weekend.
I just want to get through this week unscathed.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Wedding day and points thereafter

One of the brides and me. The wedding was beautiful. The place they had it was beautiful. It was in one of the girl's aunt's house which is situated on a canal big enough for ski boats and skiers. So we had a little side show to entertain us while waiting for the wedding to start. It was a little my hair doesn't always look like that! Well, maybe sometimes it doesn't look like that. So great wedding, great reception, great food and company. We left around 8:30 and got to bed at a decent time. I did go to work yesterday, like I thought I might, and work was fun too. I guess it helps to party a little to make the regular stuff of life better.
Today the MD and I went to the laundymat to dry clothes. I was a little miffed with her cause I told her as soon as I had my clothes washed we were leaving. When mine were done I went out and told her to get up and let's get going. While I was waiting for her I cleaned out my truck. (What a mess!) She got up and started washing more clothes! I had a million other things to do today and wasn't in the mood to wait for her. Of course her answer to that was, "Well, if I don't have clean clothes I can't get a job." I told her I thought it was great that she had a smart assed answer for everything. Get done with that one load and lets go. I am not living my life by your schedule! So off we went. Got that done, dropped her and my laundry off at home and took off for over the hill. I was going to go to the workshop on the eviction thing, but the freakin' workshop was three hours long! I was not prepared for that. So I opted for the next Monday it is given. I can better prepare for that length of time. In the meantime I may just find some info online and fill out the papers to the best of my abilities. Hell I did all my paperwork for my divorce without benefit of counsel. And that went much better than my marriage.
I went over to Joann's Fabrics. They are having a killer sale! I ended up with four Simplicity Patterns, two yards of fleece (60" wide), a long heavy duty zipper, a bra extender (don't ask), a roll of 90" x 108" batting and a candy bar all for around $28! The four patterns were all for $6.00. I may go back and get more. I am going to start sewing some of my own clothes. The fleece, batting and zipper are for a dog bed I am going to make for the big dog. Unfortunately, his hips are starting to give him a hard time and he can't get up on my high bed anymore, I don't really want him on the couches, even though he sees that differently than I. I thought if I make him a cushy bed that's big enough for him, he will sleep on it. He is always trying to sleep on the little dog's bed and he doesn't quite fit. I'll try to get a picture of that someday. I will make the bed tomorrow. I am just going to fold the batting in two and then two again, and sew it inside some muslin. Then make the fleece outside and put them together. I am putting the zipper on it so I can take the poofy stuffing out and wash the fleece.
I had to wash my dishes in the bathtub tonight. (Don't worry, I bleached the tub first!) The drain is totally stopped up now, so the kitchen sink is a no go. Tomorrow my girlfriend is going to talk her plumber brother into coming by to see if he can fix it for me. I hope he can. I will have to run down to the bank and get some money out to pay him. She says he owes her a favor, but I can't let someone come over and do work and not give them something. It will still save me money. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
I think I will also work on another cupboard in the hall tomorrow. It felt so good to do that one. I have four cupboards/closets in the hall, so it will take me a month if I do one each weekend. Then I can tackle the closet by the front door. It doesn't have much in it. In fact I am not even sure of what is in there! Certainly there's no room for guests' coats like it's supposed to be. I have a feeling OD's prom dresses are in there...(um, she graduated in 2000!) Now, I am curious, I have to go look...yep prom dresses, three umbrellas I couldn't find when it was raining, and some random other things. I guess it would help if I looked in there once in a while!
It's late, I am going to bed. Good night all...well, good morning all, you wouldn't have read this at midnight...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Wedding Day

My camera is on it's charger. I plan on taking as many pictures as I can remember to. I often take my camera and my intention is to get lots of pictures, then either forget I have it or don't see anything I want to remember or just get caught up in the moment and don't grab the dang camera. I am hoping to get some good ones today.

I am a little miffed by a decision I had to make. Or rather a decision that was made by someone else that I have to live with. I didn't know how to go about making a choice, and let it go too long, so said choice was made by someone else. Both YD and MD were invited to the wedding. OD was invited as well, but there's no controversy surrounding her. Both YD and MD want to go to the wedding. I weaseled out of saying anything to anybody, because to be honest, I am just plain sick and tired of all that has gone before, and this was just one more thing where, I, as the mother, would be the one to suffer, no matter who went and who stayed away. They cannot be within 100 yards of each other, legally. MD wants to play the victim role out to it's fullest, so tells me at every chance how I am so wrong in taking YD's side when it's MD who is the victim here. OH hell, let's be up front and honest I AM THE FREAKIN' VICTIM here!

MD announced she is going to the wedding and I really do not want to spend the time with her. At this point, I feel like she's a cheese grater on my nerves. I don't get to spend enough time with my other daughter and so would rather have her go with me. But MD announced that she was going and I don't have the energy to argue with her, because that means I have to listen to how I hate her and why do I hate her and why do I always treat her so bad and all that crap. Frankly, at different moments I feel like, Oh hell I am not even going to go to the wedding. Is it no wonder why I am having bouts of elongated time with the comode this morning? Except that I love these girls that are getting married and I want to watch them move forward into the next faze (sp?) of their lives together. So there's a note on the dry erase board this morning to wake up MD, cause she wants to go to the wedding. Crap! First thing this morning, I am reminded...
Then there was the conversation with YD last night, who is already having a hard enough time paying for her sins against her cheese grater sister. She is being shuffled around on a weekly basis, trying to find places to stay until we go to her court date and have the judge tell her she can come home again. Of course with a "no harrassment" clause. She thinks she can't do that, cause well, MD causes people to WANT to harrass her! I had to tell YD last night that MD is insisting on going to the wedding and so therefore, YD can't go. She said with a sigh, "Fine then, I just don't get to go". That broke my heart. She needs a little cheering up and needs to get away from the daily struggle she has been living lately. She needs a vacation like I do.
Speaking of which, we can't go to our lake, because I just don't have the funds to do it. It would only be the gas money and some groceries, but it just ain't happening.
I had taken tomorrow off work, but I am going in anyway. I need the money. I am not going away for the three days I would have off in a row, so there's no need to sit around the house moping. I am off on Monday and Tuesday anyway, so I'll rest then. Or tear into another closet and kill some more clutter. Maybe I'll have some nice pictures to post!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

A little clearing....

I did manage to get to that far closet in the hall. Out of frustration. I sure whipped that thing into submission. I threw away a bunch of crap, put some in the garage that should have been there in the first place, made a box of stuff to go through more slowly, (like old pictures and stuff such as that) and created a box of give to Good Will. I don't have a box of things to sell to Hallie yet. (See Hallie's blog, about the Yard sale and you will know what I mean. Snicker, snicker.
I am still frustrated as all get out about my two daughters' situations. One I can fix, but won't, the other I can't fix but want to. It's all in how they lives their lives and how they accept the responsibilities of where they are. I am still moving forward on the eviction of one. I am more convinced than ever that letting her stay here is enabling her and damaging me. She is still refusing to move forward looking for a job. She wouldn't even go after a job that I nearly handed her on a platter of the silver sort.
YD tried to come home today, the legal way, with a police officer in tow, so she could pick up her clothes and see her three week old kittens, but the damned cop said he wouldn't do it because then she would be violating her restraining order. EXCUSE ME! That is why we called him, so she wouldn't be violating the restraining order. We were told by her PO that we needed to have a cop come along so she could get her clothes! I don't get it. Neither does she, and was reduced to tears, just cuz she wanted her clothes. And get a little touch of sweetness with the kitties.
This is why I tore into the closet! Killing dirt has it's calming effects ya know?
I went grocery shopping. Picked up less than a week's worth of groceries and ended up having to go to the bank to get more advance on my paycheck cause I like - over did the groceries. CRAP! I suppose it's time for me to get a second job, so I can afford some food now. I have cut back to bare bones with everything around here. We don't go out, I have a little bit of cable or else I wouldn't have any entertainment at all. My phone is bare bones, and my girlfriend gave me cell phone service on her family plan so she could call me any time of day or night. (Which she does, but does not abuse)
I looked into taking the bus to work so I could cut back on gas, but my hours are really screwy and the bus doesn't have the best schedule around. Besides I don't go any where extra, just work and home. There is one day a week I can take the bus. I would be at work 45 minutes before the store opens and not catch the bus home until 4o minutes after I get off work. And like that will's ONE FREAKIN' day!
I am still looking to see where I can cut back, there has to be any suggestions?

Monday, June 09, 2008

I'm on a drama hiatus...

Is that how it's spelled? (Pronounced hi-a-tis) N.E.WAY.

I brought ten boxes home from work and finally got them out of the back of my truck. I am washing clothes right now and will take those to the laundymat to dry, cause my dryer is not drying. It's just one more thing of the list of 'Let's Break Down'. Oh well, just another day in the life of, and nothing to get worked up over. I'm drained...can you tell? Speaking of drains. One of my drains is clogged. It's the one for the washer, and kitchen sinks. I think I mentioned it last week. I have ignored it and it won't go away. I will spend my weekend washing dishes and watching the water slowly go down until the dishes are finished. While the water is going down I will start at the back closets in my hallway and start emptying them. Cause I have boxes! I won't make any predictions as to how far I will get. It'll happen and be done when it's done.
Next weekend I have a wedding to go to. The quilt I was making for the wedding is not finished, nor will it be by the wedding. (Too much crap going on around here) So I will get an alternate gift and finish the quilt when I can, then give it to the brides. (Yes, I said brides, there are no grooms involved in this wedding) The wedding was planned well before California's historic decision on gay marriage and will take place three days before the marriages are going to be legal. They will probably decide to re-marry at some point in the future to make it a legal bond. As far as I am concerned the two are already married. They have been together over eight years.
It is sunny and mild here. I am so sorry to hear about all the crazy weather going on throughout the middle and eastern states. I am thanking my lucky stars that the weather is calm here. I don't want to deal with extremes this week, just let me vege out, I want boring, please!
I was mom-napped by YD yesterday. She came by my work about a half hour before closing, said she wanted to buy me dinner and where did I want to go? I said "The Chicken." It's not really called that, The Chicken is the nickname locals gave this little converted Dairy Queen after being changed several times. All the new owner's knew the one thing that drew crowds to this restaurant was their fantastic deep pressure fried chicken. OMG! It is to die for. So old owner passed the fantastic recipe on to new owners for the past 30 or 40 years and the people who go there to eat, continue to eat that fantabulous food. They also have REAL french fries that are so fattening it's pathetic. But just the way I like them. I had a really nice time after work and didn't even care that I got home after 8 o'clock!
I wandered around the house for a bit, went online for maybe twenty minutes and after my tea was brewed, I went to bed. I slept until this morning at 6 am, except for one brief interruption at 1:30 in the morning, when my girlfriend texted me that this morning at 9:30 she would be having her last surgery after getting rid of her breast cancer. I know she was nervous and couldn't sleep. I only wish that I was less groggy and could have helped her nerves a little by having a texting conversation with her. She will have "foobs" (fake boobs) in another 3 and a half hours! Of course I texted her back and told her that I love her and will be thinking about her before during and after her surgery. Her daughter will be calling me to let me know how she is doing. In another two months, if all goes well, I will be working with my girlfriend again. It has been one long year without her at work. (You just cannot imagine how this woman lights up a room when she walks in...) She is a good role model for others in a fight against the dreaded cancer. She has been strong thoughout this whole ordeal. Her humor never left her, her optimism was always apparent, she never ever stopped smiling. And I truely believe that the person that she is, and the way she treats ALL other people is what got her through the cancer only scarred and with us! She is one beautiful person.
I am off to start filling boxes with crap. Hey Hallie! Want some junk!?! You know you do! LOL!!!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

It's gray

Why can't things just be black and white? Why is there always some middle road somewhere? (usually though my living room)
I came home from work yesterday and asked MD if she had made her decision as to what she was going to do. "Yes!", she exclaimed. (YAY I thought) "I have a job interview at Shamrock Ranch, Friday." Um...uh...that is not the two choices I gave her. I hate this. Do I continue being the mom, who says no, this is your choice; not that, anymore or let her try again? It also involves when my YD gets to come home.
YD's PO told us the judge would just give her a no harassment order and send her home on the 2nd of July, if I contiue to kick MD out, she might be out by the end of this month. So what's the dif???
But then there's the life long question of when is the shit going to hit the fan again?
I hate being the mom.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Thanks Undomestic Diva!

Learn about Dystonia and have a chuckle over at Coffee Bean's blog.
Go here: for a chance at a $20 Starbuck's card!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Didn't quite go the way I wanted

But then, nothing lately has. Today, I feel better, after an afternoon at the laundomat with YD and paying bills and then sheltering in my room. Not exactly fun city on the first day of my weekend.
I gave the ultimatum. Of course, MD immediately went on the defence. Who wouldn't? I told her I would not argue any points with her, because this is MY decision and no one else's. She only had to point at one pile of papers or the other. Of course that is not what she did. She just started in on how horrible I am, how I am starving her to death, how, I love her sisters, but not her. She called me every horrible name in the book you can think of and then some. EH...water off a ducks back at this point.
At one point I had had it with her accusations and decided to leave and get some peace. She refuses to leave. There is something so wrong with her mental processes. Would YOU want to stay around someone who supposedly hates you, or starves you? I started changing the password on the computer so she couldn't lock me out of it. (Like she did the other day!) She asked if I was changing the password. I said yes, and she came back with, well, if you fix it so I can't go on, then I will fix it so no one can go on. I just picked up the phone and called the cops. I met them at the door when they got there and told them what she said. Well, having a number of run ins with her in the past few months, the cop just laid it on the line for her. This is your mom's house. Unless you bought anything in this house, you have no right to it. You are 22 years old. You have been pretty lucky for the last four years that your mom has even put up with one minute of your shenanagans. She doesn't have to house you, feed you, drive you anywhere or pick you up. She doesn't have to say good morning or good night. And she certainly doesn't have to put up with the parade of clowns that apparently have been marching through. So, grow up and take her up on her offer of rehab, or we will be putting you in the streets, when she does the eviction.
Then he told me to call the Sheiff's Civil Division and they will tell me how to get an eviction so that she will have to leave in ten days, not thirty.
Then she asked me if I would pick her up when rehab is done.
I said no.
I still have to get the money together to pay for filing. It's $195, not $160 like I had originally heard, but the dad is sending me $100.
Today won't be fun either, I am sure. But I will let you know.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Cruel, cruel summer.....

Okay sorry. I thought I was going to have a few very peaceful days because MD was implying hurting herself with a paring knife and I called the cops, yada yada, they took her away and she returned the next morning, because, well, she thinks she is fine and the mental place can't hold her against her will. BUT what about MY will? And stomach and job, and head and all that go with being my age and just kind of coasting the rest of your life cause you put time in already and you should be looking toward a future of fun and games...okay, THAT was a run on sentence.
Deep breath. I just came home from "over the hill" with YD. We went to talk to her PO. Wednesday, she lost it, as in MD taunted YD to the point where she broke lose and smacked MD a few times. MD called the cops, cops came, arrested YD and now she can't come home for at least a month, because of a restraining order. I DO NOT condone violence, but I understand what happened. I have had to learn to walk away too many times from MD and her mouth, attitude and the fact that she thinks everyone, probably you all as well, owes her everything, cause she is the middle child and totally abused by me, her dad and anyone else who comes into contact with her.
I called MD's PO as well, and asked what the hell is going on with her diversion thing and the PO explained. Said she understands where MD is coming from (like she doesn't have the maturity enough to do what she needs to do) and eventually going. There's nothing expected of me, because MD is 22 and should handle this herself.
The second PO gave me paperwork and said cut her loose one way or another. Eviction or rehab houses. I have all the parts in front of me and will be going into her room in a moment to ask her to come in. I will show her both piles of paperwork and tell her this: "This pile of paperwork is for an eviction. This pile of paperwork is for a rehabilitation opportunity. If you choose rehab, you will be taking care of virtually EVERYTHING in your life up til now. Court enforced drug school, NA meetings, job training, and help with finding a job and keeping that job. If you choose eviction, you can face the support, no warmth, no nagging mother and father.
My stomach is fucked up, my migraines are starting back and I cry, because I can't not cry. YD bought me breakfast and made me eat it this morning. I left work yesterday, because I was so overwhelmed by all this I broke down. I am so finished with it all. And today may be the beginning of the end for my turmoil. Please pray for me.....I will let you all know. And thank you for hanging by me...I'm such a soap opera these days.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

No Sordid Details though

I'm having a few days of peace and quiet. Forced upon me, by a paring knife and a very dramatic daughter. No, she did not come after me, but sorta implied hurting herslf, so I called the local PD. They came and took her to a place where she will befor 72 hours and be analyzed.
It all came to a head last night. This is after a week of total drama. One kid, the YD getting thrown out of her home by a judge fpr three freakin years!
And oh! FUCKING wonderful...she just walked back in!!!!! They sent her home in a taxi! Crap, I am fucking leaving!